Discernment Counseling
Struggling to decide whether to stay together?
It's difficult to feel uncertain about the future of your relationship. Deciding whether to stay together or pursue separation/divorce can be one of the most daunting decisions of a person's life. I'm here to support couples to find and implement healthy next steps in their relationship.
Discernment Counseling is a unique, short-term approach to support couples with mixed agendas. If one partner wants to stay, and the other is considering leaving, discernment work is likely to be appropriate and beneficial. It provides a supportive environment with a couple therapist to help you explore possibilities thoroughly, with openness and nonjudgment. You deserve to feel confident when making a decision like this.
Here's how it works:
- Intake: Couple meets with therapist for about two hours to share their relationship story. How did you meet? What drew you to each other? What worked well? When did things change? What have you tried up until this point?
- Discernment Sessions: 90-minute sessions start and end with everyone together, but for most of each session partners will meet with the therapist alone to explore three potential outcomes for the couple relationship: (1) committing to couples therapy for 6 months to work on the relationship, (2) committing to a healthy separation, or (3) returning to how things have been ("maintaining the status quo"). During these sessions, I ask this guiding question: Are you willing, able, and motivated to work on the relationship? If you answer "no" to any piece of the question, we explore that answer in-depth. At the end of each session, each partner reflects on what they learned in their individual meeting and decides whether to agree to another session of discernment.
- Decision: After 1-5 total sessions, partners share their decisions. We will discuss next steps that are most appropriate based on your decision, and I will provide referrals as necessary. Some couples choose to continue with me for couple therapy or co-parenting support, others may choose another therapist for a "fresh start," and many decide to seek individual therapy support regardless of the outcome.
If you think Discernment Counseling could be right for you and your partner, please consider scheduling a free consultation (link below).